Loved!

I had to blog this before I call it a night. I love it too much to want to forget it!

Random dad thoughts...

My dad is alive. He's still here. He's not himself, really. His body has turned on him in a very unfair and cruel way. He's not able to do the things he wants to do and should be able to do at his age. He's only 70. He's not going to live forever and will pass away before his time - even though it will be his time. We all exit this life when it's our time.

Part of me hopes that we have him with us this time next year. I'm selfish and I want that for me. The other part of me just wants him to be relieved of a life where he is confined to a body that he shouldn't have to live within. I have thoughts about death a lot lately. A lot. Not my death necessarily, but the death of my dad. I hate that death is on my mind so much of the time. If he wasn't sick, I certainly wouldn't think about death anywhere near the amount I do. But he is incurably sick. And I do think about it. Too much.

I have three thoughts that I continually come back to.

1. I wonder if I will be able to handle it all as well as I think I will when it actually happens. I know it's coming, and in some ways I think I am prepared, but I'm not sure how I'll actually react when it actually does. I don't think I know myself quite as well as I think I do. Can anyone REALLY prepare for it?

2. I wonder if I'll doubt in God or in a heaven when that moment comes. Right now, I'm so absolutely sure what awaits us all in the afterlife but when someone I love so much finally takes a step out of this world and into the next, am I going to doubt what happens? Having not experienced that before, I'm so worried that I will. Not worried, terrified.

3. But my biggest worry is that the world will just feel different. I can't imagine being on this planet without my dad. I think the world will just feel different with him not in it. Driving in my car, sitting alone in my house, teaching school, grocery shopping - I think it will just feel different knowing that such a force is no longer on the earth.

These are my random thoughts. Depressing, I know. I hate that these kinds of thoughts have already set up shop in my head. Maybe it's just human nature as we face the unknown coming at us at an uncertain speed?

2015 is gone and 2016 is here!

I haven't been on my blog in a very long time. I decided to log in tonight scroll through past blog posts. I miss blogging! I miss having somewhere to jot down my thoughts. I think I need to get back to documenting the little things that happen in my life. Here is an incredibly brief catch up of 2015.

I left Texas. I was there for 2 years and am grateful for the experiences I had there BUT it was time for me to come home. I wasn't doing well there. I brought all of my personal things and classroom back with me which filled up a U-Haul. I have way too much stuff.

My brother Clint flew out to help us pack and help drive the moving truck so Ken wasn't driving the entire time.

Goodbye Beetle Nut Lane!

Ahhhh.... you have no idea how much I missed my Utah mountains while I lived in Texas. This picture was taken from the playground where I teach. Gorgeous!

Ken lives in Teas and I live in Utah. It works. We text, talk, and FaceTime. Not every day, but enough.

Did I tell you how much I missed my mountains?

My older brother Clint got married in July. He married a girl named Olea and we absolutely ADORE her!

Clint has two sons and two daughters and Olea has three sons. Presto! A family of nine. Holy cow, nine! I gained three new nephews who I love!

I got a new washer and dryer this summer. Seriously, it was a highlight! I've never owned a new washer or a new dryer. New appliances are always fun!

I was beyond blessed to be able to return to my former district and beloved elementary school that I taught at prior to moving to Texas. My new adventure this year was taking on teaching 6th grade. I've taught 1st and 3rd and was pretty apprehensive to teach 6th. I am loving it!

This blurry picture is my 6th grade team on Halloween. I truly love these ladies!

I had my first car accident on my way to school on the 2nd day. What a way to begin the school year. It was a scary experience, I won't lie. The little green car plowed through the intersection and ran a red light, totaling both of our cars. Her fault, not mine.

One of my students, whose parent had seen the accident, made me a "crash cake." I thought it was adorable! She even got the car colors right. It was cute and delicious!

I loved my Toyota Camry that was totaled. I still miss that car. I replaced it with a new 2015 Toyota Avalon. It's a really nice car, but I'm not in love with it yet. I'll get there, I'm sure.

2015 was a big year with my dad. He went downhill at an incredible speed and we moved him to a care center in September. It's not what any of us wanted and many, many tears have been shed - and still continue to be shed. My rock-solid dad is quickly deteriorating and I am afraid that 2016 will bring many more tears. On the upside, it has taken away some big time stress for my mom to not have him at home. She doesn't have to worry about certain things and she is actually able to sleep.

Since my dad is completely immobile he wasn't able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. He was sad and upset but understands the situation. We brought the party to him. Here is a family picture with everyone from December.

Little Tank turned 16 years old in 2015 - I took this picture of him today. He is deaf, blind, and walks in circles a lot. He is old but his little body still works as good as ever (kidneys, heart, etc.) and he isn't in any pain so he and I are continually adjusting to his needs. I just can't put him down right now. I need my furry little guy more than ever!

And those mountains!!

2015 was a year with a lot of change. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't handle change well. I'm still getting through things day by day and am so happy to be back in Utah, at my school, and with my family. I am grateful for the blessings I have and a Heavenly Father who is very mindful of what is going on in my life.