Random dad thoughts...

My dad is alive. He's still here. He's not himself, really. His body has turned on him in a very unfair and cruel way. He's not able to do the things he wants to do and should be able to do at his age. He's only 70. He's not going to live forever and will pass away before his time - even though it will be his time. We all exit this life when it's our time.

Part of me hopes that we have him with us this time next year. I'm selfish and I want that for me. The other part of me just wants him to be relieved of a life where he is confined to a body that he shouldn't have to live within. I have thoughts about death a lot lately. A lot. Not my death necessarily, but the death of my dad. I hate that death is on my mind so much of the time. If he wasn't sick, I certainly wouldn't think about death anywhere near the amount I do. But he is incurably sick. And I do think about it. Too much.

I have three thoughts that I continually come back to.

1. I wonder if I will be able to handle it all as well as I think I will when it actually happens. I know it's coming, and in some ways I think I am prepared, but I'm not sure how I'll actually react when it actually does. I don't think I know myself quite as well as I think I do. Can anyone REALLY prepare for it?

2. I wonder if I'll doubt in God or in a heaven when that moment comes. Right now, I'm so absolutely sure what awaits us all in the afterlife but when someone I love so much finally takes a step out of this world and into the next, am I going to doubt what happens? Having not experienced that before, I'm so worried that I will. Not worried, terrified.

3. But my biggest worry is that the world will just feel different. I can't imagine being on this planet without my dad. I think the world will just feel different with him not in it. Driving in my car, sitting alone in my house, teaching school, grocery shopping - I think it will just feel different knowing that such a force is no longer on the earth.

These are my random thoughts. Depressing, I know. I hate that these kinds of thoughts have already set up shop in my head. Maybe it's just human nature as we face the unknown coming at us at an uncertain speed?

Upcoming Project...

I swear I border on being a hoarder. It might be in my genes. My paternal grandmother kept everything. That might have been a generational thing though. I love shopping on clearance and feel like I've won some sort of a game - I'm weird like that. I recently procured one more thing that I don't need but somehow couldn't pass up. There was a lady who lives in our development that was moving and had several things for sale that she sent out in an email the entire HOA. To make a long story short, after a week, anything that wasn't sold she said she would take $25.00 for.

What did I buy?
A Lane cedar chest.
Yep.

It's nothing fancy but it is in decent shape and it's solid wood. The top is upholstered in a blue fabric that has seen much better days but re-upholstery is a fairly easy fix - well, a fairly easy fix for the person I pay to do it. Ha ha!

It's sitting in the formal dining room right now and the wood just so happens to match the furniture that belongs to Ken's parents. It's not really in the way but is just kind of sitting there until I decide what to do.

I kind of want to try my hand at refinishing it and making it "in style" - whatever that is. I'm not really a trendy person but I found these two pictures on the internet of refinished cedar chests and LOVE them both.

I would take the hardware off of mine and make it more plain and then go and junk it up with the wood embellishments that can be glued on.

See how ADORABLE these wood embellishment things are ?!?!

We'll see what I end up doing with my cedar chest. Used ones sell on the internet for $150.00-$300.00 Mine is nowhere near worth that, I'm sure. But I am also sure that it is worth the $25.00 I paid for it.

Wish me well on deciding what to do with it and then actually doing it!

Another New Year...

Welcome 2015!

Well, another year has rolled over on the odometer of life. Let's be honest... it's really just another day. But for some reason a new year really does feel new-ish. I'm really not one for making resolutions. Somehow, taking down my old calendar and putting up a new one doesn't make me resolve to do anything. I wish it did, though. I found the above image and it sums up some things I need to recognize and work on. 

• FORGET MILESTONES REMEMBER MAGICAL MOMENTS - Am I the only one who somehow bases their existence on milestones? I've realized that mine aren't necessarily important or realistic. I get into the grind of the school year and sometimes just getting to the weekend so I can stay in my pj's is a milestone. I need to back off of getting from point A to point B. There are so many "magical" things that happen all of the time that come from a loving Heavenly Father that I often overlook. I need to keep my eyes focused on the magic.

• DRINK MORE WATER - My body is 55% water? Hmmm... mine is probably 85% Vanilla Coke Zero. That's pretty sad. I know it's a terrible habit but I still pop open the cans and stop at gas stations for a gigantic fizzy beverage. No brainer... more water. I'll be working on this one.

• CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY - I need some work on this one. I always forget that it's a choice, my choice. This is a toughy for me.

• GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK - Enough said.

• GET MOVING EVEN IF IT'S JUST AROUND THE BLOCK - I am having the hardest time trying to eat better and drop weight. With everything going on in my life (and even things that aren't that I want to have happen) it feels too daunting. One thing at a time, I guess. Drinking more water and eating more green things surely will help!

Whatever your goals, ideas, or resolutions are for 2015, all we need to remember is to take it one day at a time. Happy 2015!!

Family Pictures for 2015...

It felt like a small miracle but we all pulled it off... family pictures. 1 infant, 5 children, 2 teenagers, and 7 adults all smooshed into my parent's family room for pictures. We had to get rid of furniture, raise a chandelier (to get it out of the picture) and get my dad situated all without killing each other. Miracle of miracles we pulled it off. I scheduled the pictures and my sister-in-law and I decided that we were all wearing blues. Hopefully, once everything is cropped, the color is adjusted and whatever needs to be photoshopped is finished, we'll all be happy. I know we'll be happy.

My dad was a trooper. Sitting in a regular chair is difficult for him so we did any pictures with Reed/Dad/Grandpa first so we could get him back into his wheelchair. He didn't smile much (he's not really a smiler) and the day completely wore him out (and it will take him a few days to recover) but I am soooo grateful we did it!

The fantastic Scott Hancock of Scott Hancock Photography in Pleasant Grove came to my parent's house to shoot the pictures. There was absolutely no way we would have been able to get my dad to his studio so it was the absolute best option. We have loved the work he has done for us over the years.

We decided to take the pictures in front of my parent's fireplace. My dad collected all of the rocks from the canyon and did all of the rock work himself when I was a kid. I have just a few memories of him doing it because I was so young but I thought it would be a perfect place for the background for our family.

We had the professional in charge!

This is just a little picture I snapped on my cell phone as he was trying to get everyone situated. The baby actually did pretty well. He got a little fussy but we got plenty of laughs and smiles from him.

Again, just another little blurry cell phone picture of my younger brother and his cute family. I love how the kids are all holding hands - they did that on their own.

I'll share the final pictures when they are ready to proof. We had individual family pictures, pictures of just my mom and dad, and pictures of my immediate family - mom, dad, my two brothers and me. Ken and I had a picture taken of just the two of us, and I had a picture taken with just me and my dad. These pictures will be something to cherish in the near future as my dad's health is quickly declining. I'm so grateful for my family and that today is now frozen in time!

Yellow Rose of Texas...

I had a birthday on the 28th. 

I reached the big four zero.

40.

40 years.

40 years is 480 months.

It's 2,080 weeks.

It's 14,600 days.

It's 350,400 hours.

It's 21,024,000 minutes.

It's 1,261,440,000 seconds.

Give or take a leap year or two.

40 is hard. I certainly don't feel 40 and I don't feel like I am where I should be at for my age. I have friends my age with children - children in high school, children on missions and children who are married. I even have friends and high school acquaintances that are my age who have grandchildren. Sigh. The lack of my own children is a tough one for me. I have a hard time with it.

But, rather than focus on the "I can't believe this is where I'm not" things about being 40, I can focus on other things... like the beautiful flowers that my husband got for me.

He also got me a very nice card and wrote some really nice things in it (he's not really a card/note guy so that meant a lot to me) and got me a gift card to go see a movie. I don't get many flowers (I tend to see them as a waste of hard earned money) so it was a nice surprise. Maybe 40 will be the year that some things get better. We'll see!

So late so soon?

More than ever, I completely feel like this quote from Dr. Seuss. How in the world did it get to be the second half of the month of September? The summer just went way too quickly! How did the beginning of the school year get here so fast? We're already into our 5th week here in Texas. The days seem to drag but the weeks are flying by. How is that even possible? I will hit the big 4-0 in a few months. How did THAT happen? There are so many things that I feel like I should have in my life by now that aren't. How did I allow that to happen and what do I do from here? There's a lot to think about. Blog neglect has been unintentional - it's just gotten so late so soon. Time has slipped away with life's worries, stresses and disappointments. I always feel better when I blog - there's something therapeutic about it. I have a lot of catching up to do so if anyone out there still checks my blog, updates are on their way!

I'm here!!

I. Am. Here.

It's been too long but I am here and ready to blog! School is out and I'm patiently getting a few things finished here in Texas before we return to Utah for the summer. My goal this week is to do some serious catch up on my blog. Stay tuned...

Baby Shower Centerpiece...

The school that I teach at does quarterly baby showers for teachers and staff. This week we're having a joint baby shower for 5 teachers, one of which is on my team. We all pitch in for a gift and each grade level is in charge of a centerpiece for the mother-to-be that they teach with. My team asked me to make the one for our coworker. Not having a clue what to make, I got online and searched for ideas. Diaper cakes scare the heck out of me - there's something I find creepy about rolling up diapers to make a "cake". I ruled that out and found this idea instead...

A baby onesie and washcloth bouquet. This picture gave me my idea so off to the store I went.

I ended up purchasing 9 onesies, 6 baby washcloths, ribbons, floral tape, wooden dowels, tape, rubber bands, etc. Yep. My blank canvas.

Ken even joined me for a while and rolled the onesies and washcloths onto dowels.

After they were rubber banded (to help them not unroll) I went over them with floral tape - it doesn't leave any sticky residue.

 I decided they needed some "foliage" so I added layers of ribbon to each one and taped that on as well.

I bought 2 different shades of green for contrast. 

I was going to put my bouquet in a large flower pot but I was able to get this basket for $5.00 - much less expensive than the pots I had been looking at. I found styrofoam that fit inside of it perfectly. Bonus!

I added green shredded crinkle paper (thank goodness Easter stuff is in the stores already) over the top of the styrofoam and started shoving the "flowers" into the basket. I also added some painted cut outs that I just taped onto dowels and added yellow ribbon to.

It's kind of a strange centerpiece but it's all completely useable. Hopefully it will work out for the baby shower. Not too shabby for my first attempt!

Thankful Thursday...

I've decided I need to start something new and add a post every Thursday. I have several friends who do "throwback Thursday", which is fun. Today was just one of those days where I felt so much gratitude for my life. Here's to 'Thankful Thursdays'.

Tonight it was my turn to volunteer at a community night held at my school. It was fun to have all of the kids and their parents come for a free night of science experiments and food. I teach within a community that is at and below the poverty level. The people are real, hard working, considerate, endearing, and proud of the things they have. I often get rocks, small used toys, bouquets of dandelions, and leftover apples from lunch as gifts from my students. They are genuinely excited to give me anything they have, and I accept it all with enthusiasm, excitement, and hugs.

Tonight as I was wandering around the activity watching the kids it made me think of the opportunities that these kids most likely will not have in their lives. I hope they all fight to graduate from high school. I hope advantages will come along for them that help them along their way. I hope they will find a way to attend college. I hope they will be able to find good employment and be able to support a family. I hope their lives are easier than the lives of their parents. A lot of the parents in the community work 2, 3, 4 minimum wage jobs, barely scraping by. They have no advantages, aren't cut any breaks, and go without necessities. Life isn't fair. Most of us are a product of our environment. Sometimes we can rise above it.

I am beyond thankful for the advantages that I have had throughout my life, and continue to have. There are many! I am thankful for the parents who raised me and provided not only advantages but countless opportunities for me to succeed. I am thankful that I have an education and a career in which I can be involved in the lives of these kids who need extra encouragement and love. They are just as capable as any other child in this world!

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that even though I wonder what in the world I'm doing with my life, I sure am thankful for where I'm at. I'm one lucky girl.

Creature of hoarding?

I didn't go to work today.

I had the luxury of spending the weekend with the stomach bug and wasn't on my a-game today. I laid low and let my stomach settle. I took a shower this afternoon (that's right, AFTER noon) and for the first time I noticed something about myself.

I. Hoard. Headbands.

I really think I do.

Every morning when I get ready, I put the same, small, black headband in my hair. When it breaks (and they always do) I go buy a new small, black headband. Here it is...

 The weird thing is that I *think* I have a headband drawer. Yup. I said drawer. It has toenail polish, a clip and some hair elastics in it so I guess it's not entirely a headband drawer. Close enough though. The worst part is that when I'm at Target or WalMart I'll always peruse the hair accessory section in search for what? Some fantastic headband... for my drawer. Uh-huh.

On a happy note I accidentally discovered this last week while out and about with Ken. The hairspray on the right has been my crusty and crunchy friend for years. But now, I am upgrading to the friend with the pink lid. It's not just crusty and crunchy but it is MEGA crusty and crunchy. And guess what... it's wonderful!!

Random post, I know. 

I hoard headbands and I love crust.

'Nuff said.

Saving the world...

I'm trying to save the world.

Well, one person's world.

I save a student, Miss "S", who I just love. Without going into detail on a public domain, I've become quite invested in this little one. I've been "checking in" with her family several times a week to try and take her for a day each weekend. We were able to have her with us a few weeks ago on a Saturday.

She LOVES to draw and color. She had a lot of fun at our house!

I took her to the nearby lake in our development to feed the ducks. She loved it!

Ken and I also took her to see Frozen. We all loved it! 

Now I'm obsessed with THIS LINK.

The best part is that she still calls me Mrs. Adams in class (thank goodness) but she loves to write my name on her spelling tests.

 

Crasteena? Well, it's phonetically correct I suppose.

How's this for resolutions...

I'm not a resolution maker. 

Never have been.

Never will be.

A new year doesn't somehow give me magical powers to accomplish things that I've eternally put off or found impossible to accomplish. Talk about depressing! I have too many things that need to be "resolved" and find it completely overwhelming. I found this and and loved it as a resolution. Resolution? Being less of something and exchanging it for more of something better.

Let go of...

This week I saw an article on the internet with 20 things to let go of for the new year. I'm not a resolution maker but I liked these 20 things. Even letting go of one or two of these things could be the beginning of something better. Just thought I'd share...

1. Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong.

2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do.

3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself.

4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your life, that “whatever” was exactly what you wanted.

5. Let go of worrying; worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

6. Let go of blaming anyone for anything; be accountable for your own life. If you don’t like something, you have two choices, accept it or change it.

7. Let go of thinking you are damaged; you matter, and the world needs you just as you are.

8. Let go of thinking your dreams are not important; always follow your heart.

9. Let go of being the “go-to person” for everyone, all the time; stop blowing yourself off and take care of yourself first … because you matter.

10. Let go of thinking everyone else is happier, more successful or better off than you. You are right where you need to be. Your journey is unfolding perfectly for you.

11. Let go of thinking there's a right and wrong way to do things or to see the world. Enjoy the contrast and celebrate the diversity and richness of life.

12. Let go of cheating on your future with your past. It’s time to move on and tell a new story.

13. Let go of thinking you are not where you should be. You are right where you need to be to get to where you want to go, so start asking yourself where you want to go.

14. Let go of anger toward ex's and family. We all deserve happiness and love; just because it is over doesn’t mean the love was wrong.

15. Let go of the need to do more and be more; for today, you've done the best you can, and that's enough.

16. Let go of thinking you have to know how to make it happen; we learn the way on the way.

17. Let go of your money woes — make a plan to pay off debt and focus on your abundance.

18. Let go of trying to save or change people. Everyone has her own path, and the best thing you can do is work on yourself and stop focusing on others.

19. Let go of trying to fit in and be accepted by everyone. Your uniqueness is what makes you outstanding.

20. Let go of self-hate. You are not the shape of your body or the number on the scale. Who you are matters, and the world needs you as you are.

Secret Santa Week!!

It's secret Santa week at my school. The entire school put in names and 4 days worth of "wants" - we have a treat day, school supply day, Christmas ornament day, and home item day. I randomly ended up drawing the name of one of the teachers on my team. Getting her name made me more excited. So, I got everything together and got wrapping.

Day 1 on the right and day 2 on the left.

Day 3 on the left and day 4 on the right.

I tend to go a *little* overboard with wrapping and ribbon.

I liked the way everything turned out and loved the fact that my coworker wouldn't open her secret gift today because it was "too pretty" and she wanted her sister and husband to see it. Ha ha! I'm glad the fun wrapping makes her feel extra loved!

P.S. I felt loved too! My secret Santa gave me M&M's, a Christmas pen, and a candle today. School supplies tomorrow. Woohoo!