And I wonder why I'm single...

Okay. If you read this, I want you to comment. Even if I don't know you, hate you, love you, or am completely unaware that you are cyber-stalking me, I want a comment. Please.

I think I am a geek, most of the time.

I can be a little OCD, most of the time.

I am fairly insecure, most of the time.

I am not spontaneous enough, most of the time.

I have to know where I stand with people, ALL of the time.

Case in point...

I have this bizarre need and obsession for "rules" and "definitions" in my life. Go figure. The most recent one? Needing to define my definition of dating. Now, you would think for someone my age (35 this year-YIKES!) dating would be no biggie, right? Been there and done that, more than once. Obviously my success rate is a little less than par. However, the older I get the more I feel a need to define the relationships I form with men. I want to know where I stand, and where they stand too. Here is a little snippet of something I would submit to Webster's if they ever came knocking...

Hanging Out: The act of two people choosing to spend quality time together. Activities could include things such as... going to movies, dinner, lunch, vacation, shopping, etc. One may also define this as a very close friendship with no romantic interest in the other party. At this stage, the idea of taking this type of relationship to "the next level" does not exist.

Dating: The act of two people choosing to spend quality time together. As with "hanging out", activities could include such things as... going to movies, dinner, lunch, vacation, shopping, etc. One may also define this as a very close relationship with the intention of having it become more. There is mutual interest between the two parties. There is romantic interest developing, and the intention of dating is to take it to "the next level", which in time is typically marriage.

Let's be honest... at my age, why would I want another male "hang out" buddy? If my end goal is to partake of eternal, celestial, glorious wedded bliss (insert a tired sigh here) than why would I want one more guy friend?

So there is a point to all of this... REALLY!

I've recently reconnected with someone from the past that I used to really like, and still do. We've gone out a little bit (notice how I didn't use the word "dating" or "hanging out"... cautious!) and a week ago I initiated a giant conversation about defining everything. I'm an idiot and am sure I look like more of a total freak to someone who pretty much can already assume I am. Wait... if he accepts my freak-ish side maybe that's good, right? Anyway, I have this need to know where my puzzle piece fits in his picture, if it even does. So we chatted for a little bit, well hours actually. He knows my weirdo dating definition and we came to the conclusion that we could classify our little outings together as dates. Good for me to know. I like him. I think he's great. I always feel better after talking with him. I enjoy spending time with him. I actually get butterflies in my stomach when I see him and I love that! He makes me want to be a better person. I'm a little terrified (as usual) but glad to know that's what it is so I can proceed forward.

Here's my question...

Am I totally retarded? Is there anyone else that has to define aspects of their life?

Even if you're married... think back to the time before.

Well??